Post by badgernation on Mar 2, 2009 20:34:42 GMT -5
The 2008 Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the
Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among
us.
Here are the glorious top 10 winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire
at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,
California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that
can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the
honorable mentions:
2.. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little
shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also
lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear
a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he
was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had
escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun
at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The
clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him
in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from.'
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan
at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR
STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from
a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more
than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of
the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please
share these with your friends and family... unless of course
one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or
long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant
and hope they remain lost.
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the
Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among
us.
Here are the glorious top 10 winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire
at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,
California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that
can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the
honorable mentions:
2.. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a
finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little
shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company.
The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to
have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also
lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear
a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar,
a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he
was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had
escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver
went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there
a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental
hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an
oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the
lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a
$20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun
at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block
through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at
the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the
would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The
clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give
them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within
minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him
in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive
ID. To which he replied, 'Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from.'
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan
at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register without a food order. When the man ordered
onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR
STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from
a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more
than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of
the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind, please
share these with your friends and family... unless of course
one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or
long-lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant
and hope they remain lost.