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Post by TW on Feb 4, 2009 9:09:55 GMT -5
My wife was called in for jury duty yesterday, and ended up picked. She can't discuss the case with me, and that of course makes me even more curious.  Tonight (assuming it's over), she can tell me what it was about. Curiosity... and that darned cat...  |
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Post by amoeba15 on Feb 4, 2009 12:20:44 GMT -5
My advice for all potential jurors who do not want to serve.
1.Pretend to be completely skittish—terrified even—of the court, the judge, the officers and bailiff. Squirm uncomfortably in your seat, sort of like you have bad cramps or gas. Look around constantly with a nervous “I’m gonna barf’ look on your face, cringe whenever the bailiff moves, and wince a little when the judge talks.
2.When the judge questions you, say something like “Oh no, your honor, I really do want to serve. See, I’ve always had a tendency towards reading peoples mind, and I always dreamed of using it for good. Now I get the chance to send this guilty person to jail!”
3. Wear a t-shirt that says “It costs a lot to house prisoners. Capital punishment for all!!”
4.Write a highly opinionated, articulate, confidant, and frank letter stating the reasons why you feel the entire justice system as a whole is a load of crap and that you could never find someone guilty under such a faulty system.
5.Cross your arms, squint your eyes, and say “my grandpa was a cop. I know all about YOU attorneys.”
6.Whip out a notebook, take furious notes as soon as you enter the room, ask the attorneys and judge annoying questions, and express a great desire to be on the jury. Tell them that you are a writer, and that you will be the next Grisham. Then ask the judge if you can quote him/her in your book.
7.Scratch your head furiously, like an insane maniac, groan and pull at your hair. Then raise your hand, say you think you have lice, and ask if the bailiff can check your head for bugs.
8.Ask a fellow potential juror if they wish to get out of duty. If they do, set up a scene where you pretend to be ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/friends who can’t stand each other. Start yelling and arguing about something from your ‘past’. You may be forcefully removed, but you will be removed nonetheless.
9.Pretend to have a sinus infection. Constantly blow your nose, and just when you can’t get more irritating, “run” out of tissue and simply resort to sucking the snot up your nose. Your fellow jurors will likely kick you out.
10.If all else fails and you’re really desperate, run to the nearest Army recruiter and enlist.
To top it all off, conclude by telling the judge 'I plead the fifth of Jack.
ROFLMAO
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Post by badgernation on Feb 4, 2009 14:33:27 GMT -5
I always found that forming a noose during the jury selection process always worked.....
Giving the defendant a high five as saying "You're good as out of here bro..." as you walk into the court room works well
Falling asleep during the process will get you a pink slip
Telling one of the lawyers.... "You're pretty freaking hot you know that?" Male or Female
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Post by TW on Feb 4, 2009 14:53:58 GMT -5
I've been called for jury duty several times. The end result is always the same. I get thrown into a pool, and as soon as they find out I was a cop, "gone!" |
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Post by amoeba15 on Feb 4, 2009 15:18:37 GMT -5
I've been called for jury duty several times. The end result is always the same. I get thrown into a pool, and as soon as they find out I was a cop, "gone!" Often, the same thing happens to lawyers. Showing up with a flask of JD and taking a swig in front of the Judge can get you off jury duty, but thrown into the pokie. Saying, 'I am only here for the beer' may do the job. |
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Post by TW on Feb 4, 2009 19:03:37 GMT -5
It is now 6 PM, and I just got a short call from my wife saying she's still at it, and won't be home for dinner. Since I don't know what the case is, and what's happening, I can only assume the jury is in disagreement on some issue, whatever it might be. I hope I see her tonight. She's going to be real ornery if she doesn't get home in time to get a decent night's sleep! |
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Post by amoeba15 on Feb 4, 2009 19:29:07 GMT -5
I wonder whether somebody is trying to pull a Pauly Shore. In order to take advantage of the free room, board, and per diem, one member of the jury tries to prolong deliberations on this seemingly open-and-shut case. If so, it may be weeks before your wife is home.  movies.yahoo.com/movie/1800237709/info |
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Post by TW on Feb 4, 2009 19:34:17 GMT -5
Probably not that bad, but it was bad enough she said I should make my own dinner. That tells me they intend going fairly late.
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Post by TW on Feb 5, 2009 7:59:02 GMT -5
She finally got home close to 10 PM. Their trial included three defendants, and each one had to be judged individually, and either convicted, or exonerated. Not an easy job.
They were sequestered for nearly eight-hours.
I don't want to second guess the decisions they made, so I'm not even going to question her on it, the outcome, or the particulars of the cases.
Anyhow, she was totally exhausted.
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Post by snowpack on Feb 5, 2009 21:38:54 GMT -5
After years of avoiding jury duty, I finally had to serve and it wasn't all that bad. Quick case though unlike your wife's TW.
Guys are wired so different from women. I could never not ask questions about it. My hubby wouldn't get food, sleep or anything else until every last detail was spilled.
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Post by TW on Feb 5, 2009 21:49:15 GMT -5
I'm an ex-cop, so I know how it works. All she has said at this point is that the three defense attorneys and the prosecution attorneys, were worthless. The Judge had to lead them around by the nose to even get through the trial. It gives new meaning to the words "practicing law." All I did was laugh. |
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Post by happypacker on Feb 6, 2009 10:35:00 GMT -5
i always enjoyed the privlege to be on jury duty. sat on some very interesting cases.
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